Friday, February 22, 2013

Freaky Friday: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Freaky Friday is here again. Today, I have a different take on the horror movie review. I decided to give you my notes unedited (well, mostly unedited; fragments and bad spelling aside) that I wrote while watching the film. So, here's my unfiltered insta-reactions of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.
Opening scenes have the typical french maid and bad scientist circa 1900s or so. Reminds me of old black and white movies. Paging Dr. Frankenstein, anyone? It's a cool start, although cliche, but it quickly morphs into a modern story.
Where is my maid? This lab is a mess!
Plot is a little girl too smart for her age meeting her stepmom, Kim, played by Katie Holmes, for the first time. Yawn. The idea of living in a creepy old house that dad and stepmom are restoring for historical society is slightly more interesting. Then, the girl, Sally, played by Bailee Madison, wanders off on her own, searching the gardens, and discovers a basement window. Gardener/caretaker "saves" her from creepiness and proclaims that "no basement exists". Ah. Weren't we just looking at the basement through the window? The kid's not stupid.
If no one looks through the window, then the basement does not exist. Huh?
The adults and kid discover the hidden and forbidden basement. Dum Dum Dum and DUMB. Cue evil spirits with a smoking problem (sounds like one of them's smoked a few too many packs of Marlboros). They may also be teeth goblins.

Okay, seriously, I was joking about the teeth goblins, but about a third of the way through we get a glimpse of them, and lo and behold...goblins or gremlins. I'm not clear on the difference. But they are nasty little buggers.
It's all gnome to me.
Gardner is attacked. Repeat Gardner is attacked. No one saw that coming, right? And did anyone think to ask the Gardener, what happened to him???? Why are we staying in the house without an explanation? Finally, when we go to the hospital to get an explanation, what does the man say... Check out lot 11-34 in the library! What? Can't you just tell us that gremlins attacked and they're after the kid! WTF!
See! Nice fairy. Nice fairy.
OMG They are really tooth fairies! I have psychic powers, or I watch too many horror movies. BTW, these are some nasty tooth fairies.

Love the kid. She's awesome. Plays it just right. Dad's way too slow to catch on. And at least stepmom seems to get it.  But why would dad be cautious with pissed off evil fairies (I still say they're gremlins) that sliced and diced the gardener? After Sally (the kid) gets attacked for the umpteenth time, they finally go to make a break for it and guess what??? Power's cut. No getting away from the dark now. Only thing that can fight the gremlins/fairies/ guessed it, light. Oh look light fights darkness. How original.
If only we had more batteries!
Hold the phone! Shut up. That did not just happen?!?! I take it all back. This movie rocks. I can't spoil the ending, but nicely done! Love weird twists.

Rating: B-

Overall: Not the most original storyline, but Bailee Madison as the little girl is fabulous, Katie Holmes as the stepmom surprisingly doesn't make me want to rip my hair out, and the ending, fantastico! A one-time watch when nothing else is on.

Have you seen Don't Be Afraid of the Dark? What do you think about Katie Holmes in the post-Dawson's Creek, post-Tom Cruise era? And what the heck is the difference between gremlins, goblins, and gnomes???

1 comment :

  1. LOL! I have seen it and my reactions were almost exactly the same as yours! How weird is that? Especially about the ending. Definitely improved my opinion of it.