Friday, August 17, 2012

Freaky Friday: Alien 3

After all that hoopla over saving Newt - the little girl from the second film - Alien 3 opens up with a sequence of jarring images: dead bodies, electrical fires, a tiny alien, and a lone survivor, Ripley. Wait a tick, you put me through hours of Aliens just to kill off Newt in the opening scene of movie three? Come on! If that's not bad enough, Ripley lands in the most unlikely place in the universe: a defunct prison with a skeleton crew of staff and inmates. But, don't worry because this bunch are religiously reformed. Okay, sure.
Fine. I signed up to watch this sucker so I'll buy it. It's probably the most ridiculous premise in the franchise, but whatever. I'm along for this ride. Strap me in.
Gonna be a bumpy ride. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Ripley awakens to her worst nightmare: Newt dead, cute guy from Aliens dead, an alien probably on the loose, and a motley crew ready to jump her - and I'm not talking about skipping rope or your after school special. In an attempt to keep the haven't-seen-a-woman-in-a-century inmates away, they put her in a potato sack and cut her hair. Okay, the shaving her head incident was because of some outbreak of lice or something. Who cares? It makes her look tough, so it's done.
Back on track, the alien pops up from the crashed ship and wants to reek havoc. Unfortunately, he needs a proper host so he can mutate. AND THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO STAB THE SCREEN! Spoiler alert. If you don't want to know what happens, stop reading. We have a planet full of humans that cannot go anywhere. I repeat, they are stuck in this hell hole. But, what do the writers/producers/bastard-creators-of-this-flick do? They kill the dog! That's right these SOBs have the alien mutilate the dog so it can grow into big scary alien. Let me make this very clear, in a horror film you can kill as many humans as you want. Enjoy! You can even get away with making children all evil and possessed, but do NOT kill an animal, especially dogs. You're not Stephen King. This is not Pet Sematary. DON'T DO IT.
Don't hate the player. Word.
Now, I'd love to recap the rest of the movie for you. And yes, I did watch it just for this review. But, my hatred of this particular moment prevents me from continuing. Let me say, you're not missing much. There's some battling with the prisoners, then teaming up with the prisoners to battle the alien, then pseudo-help arrives, and it all goes downhill. Ripley makes a sacrifice that lacks much emotion and no surprises crop up at all. The end.

Rating: F- *grumbles*

What do you think of Alien 3? How do you feel about violence against animals in horror films?


  1. This was just a terrible idea all around. Really I think the best idea would have been to have Ripley and them make it to Earth and let the aliens get loose there. But they would have really needed James Cameron for that and at the time I think he was busy with "Terminator 2" which was much more successful. This was I guess the first film directed by David Fincher, who went on to do much more successful movies like "The Social Network" and "Moneyball" I think. I watched the director's cut or extended cut or whatever it was of this, which was slightly better in explaining things--slightly. The alien effects were lame too.

    Just really if Fox wasn't going to put some serious money and talent behind it they shouldn't have bothered.

  2. Because of my work, I pretty much can't stand anything that has to do with a prison. That aside, I have to agree, this movie missed the mark on MANY levels!