Friday, June 29, 2012

Freaky Friday: Alien

*Warning: This post is full of spoilers. If you haven't seen the movie...wait, you haven't seen the movie?*
After reviewing the prequel Prometheus a few weeks ago, I knew it was time to rectify my decades long dilemma. I had to watch Alien...finallly. But, here's the problem. I saw Alien this past weekend with the expectations of a 2012 movie viewer - high suspense, killer graphics, pumped up CGI. And...Alien is not those things. Don't get me wrong, the actual Alien creature is wicked cool (see I can pull off 90s slang). But...
I spit acid. Beat that!
It's weak. Don't throw rocks yet. Let me explain. I LOVE, adore, and consume old horror movies. Slasher flicks from the 70s and 80s, yes! Black and white Nosferatu, and silent screamfests from the 20s, heck yes! (Max Schreck's performance still creeps me out.) But, sci-fi thrillers with spacecrafts run off a Commodore 64, not so much.
I pilot spaceships and let you play Jumpman, just not at the same time.
In fairness, I get that the film premiered in 1979. Even though, Star Wars hit theaters two years earlier with the same $11 million budget and had better graphics, I can forgive the subpar sc-ifi space technology. Sorta. But, the beginning that sludged on for over an hour with no aliens, no suspense and no foreseeable scariness, meh. When we get to the good stuff...
Common sense, the downfall of humanity.
Oh look, a distress call. Despite the fact that we are a commercial spacecraft with no military training whatsoever, we must uphold the law and find the source. It doesn't matter that it's origins are on an unidentified planet, we must go. Okay, fine. Go, then. But, don't be surprised if it's a...oh wow, it's a trap! How did we not see that one coming? I don't know maybe, the five hour space landing - apparently the Commodore 64 can't land well - coupled with the hostile environment and alien eggs clued you in.
Do I have something on my face?
Crap. Extra-whose-name-you-shall-forget (AKA the guy in the red shirt) has an alien plastered to his face. Let's get him inside. Wait, what? If you were a space captain, encountered an alien that likes to attach itself to your crew and bleeds acid, are you letting that thing aboard? EXACTLY! Ripley, played by Sigourney Weaver, is all "hell no, you ain't bringing that thing in here". But, alas, she is shot down, because she's second-in-command, not the captain. (Aside, how do you NOT let Sigourney be the captain?)
The cat and I will be in the containment area. Y'all have fun.
The alien takes a journey down Extra's throat, pops out his stomach, spits some acid blood, mutates into a ginormous monster, and goes on a rampage killing the crew one at a time. Unfortunately, by the time the movie arrives at this point, I'm all kill 'em all and let's end this. So, despite the lackluster flick - maybe, my expectations were too high? - I still have to see the sequels. Because who can resist Sigourney with a shaved head hunting down aliens?

Rating: C+

PS GAH! Blogger ate my original review, which was so much better. Alas, this one will have to do. *sad*

What did you think of the Alien film? What am I in for with the sequels?


  1. I enjoyed them, but yeah, the graphics could have been better. That doesn't mean I wasn't scared as hell while watching the Alien stalk all those people.

  2. Ha! This was a fun post. Seeing as how I saw the Alien films years ago, I remember enjoying them greatly (except that last one they released - LAME!). I think the alien was about the coolest movie creation of the time and Hello! Sigourney should have been captain, for sure.

    Prometheus was so damn strange...